


We're here to stay.

by AceVII



Series: Quarantine writing challenge [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aobajousai, Eating Disorders, Friendship, Happy Ending, Sad, Self-Harm, Senpai-Kouhai Relationship, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:54:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27750073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceVII/pseuds/AceVII
Summary: Kindaichi might act like he oozes confidence or seems like a tough or mean guy, but if you look closer you'd see how truly broken he was.TRIGGER WARNING!!! There is self harm and an eating disorder mentioned so please please don't read if this might trigger you.
Series: Quarantine writing challenge [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2013214
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	We're here to stay.

Kindaichi wasn't one to admit defeat easily. He was competitive and seemed to be extremely confident in himself, but everyone wears a mask. In truth, Kindaichi was broken and scarred in more ways than one. His dad left when he was young and his mom died of illness a few months later. This all happened at age 10. He was sent to live with his grandparents who loved him dearly and he loved just as much, but they could never replace his mom.

After that he did his best to do whatever his grandparents needed and more. Cleaning, cooking, shopping, whatever they needed he did. It wasn't enough in his eyes though when his grandpa passed away in from illness a couple years later. He was 12 then and in Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High along with being on the volleyball team. At age 12 was when he made the first cut on his thighs, right above his volleyball shorts. He was convinced he wasn't meant to have people love him, and that he eventually just brought death or destruction to them. He thought he was completely loveless.

He had two good friends at school though, Kunimi and Kageyama. They made life a little more bearable, and also slowed the marks appearances a little, but of course life took away another loved one. At age 15 he lost his friend Kageyama, not to death, but to pride. Tobio became a tyrant, a ruler...the King of the Court. It broke Kindaichi's spirit and the day he knew he truly lost his friend, he ran home and put countless more marks on his skin. He drove another loved one away.

At 16 he joined Aoba Johsai High and their volleyball team along with Kunimi. He soon became aware of how perfect these guys looked. How every part of them was flawless, especially their new captain Oikawa. Kunimi fit right into the mix, after all, he had always been pretty. Kindaichi on the other hand was a bit rougher on the eyes, and pretty soon it got to him hard. So hard he started skipping lunches every once in a while, and when that wasn't enough he stopped eating breakfast completely. He knew his grandma was worried, but his mind clouded his judgment and he kept this routine.

It had been a while since Kindaichi started this meal routine, and it had only gotten worse over the winter. He didn't eat breakfast, rarely ate lunch and threw up his dinner. Everyone started asking if he was okay and he never knew why. When he'd look in the mirror the only thing he saw was a tall, lanky nobody. Ugly compared to everyone else around him, when in reality he was skin and bones. His upperclassmen became worried when Kindaichi took off his sweatshirt one day at practice and they could see the indented hollow area in his arms between his bones. Since then they've tried to keep an eye on him, but sometimes life gets in the way and you forget.

The Interhigh-Preliminaries were coming up, and Kindaichi knew deep down they'd be going up against Karasuno. It was hard enough playing against Kageyama in the practice match, the pain of how they split coming back anew, but a real match would be a whole different situation. He found himself stressing about every little thing, ever detail, every set and play. Without noticing, he found himself skipping almost every meal but dinner, and again he'd always throw it up whether he wanted to or not.

All the stressing brings us here. Kindaichi was sitting in his room, his grandma having just left for a board game night with her friends, leaving him alone. He sat there holding his razor, a familiar and welcoming feeling. He had gotten into a fight with Kunimi and words had been said that he now regretted, but of course here he was again chasing away a loved one. He deserved all this pain, he deserved all the scars. He found himself cutting more and more till a gasp behind him froze him in mid cut.

Oikawa and the other three third years were standing in his doorway, eyes wide and mouths open with silent words. Kindaichi dropped his razor almost as if in slow motion. No, no, no they weren't suppose to know! He panicked and scrambled to cover his arms that he usually wore makeup over. Matsukawa quickly intervened and grabbed his arms as gently as possible, but it triggered something in the first year.

"No, no let go of me!" He screams and yanked his arm away from from his senpai "You were never suppose to see me like this. So weak and disgusting. A waste of space" he rambles with tears running down his face.

Matsukawa glances back at his friends with worry in his eyes. Iwaizumi slowly walks forward "Kindaichi, it's okay buddy. We were just coming by to see if you were okay after your fight with Kunimi" he tries to explain but it only makes the first year sob harder.

"I chased him away too" he sobs "Another person I love and care about gone. I'm not meant to be loved, I ruin it everytime. I'm just a loveless disgusting human being" he cries.

Oikawa's heart shattered at the younger's words. How could he say that? The whole team loved and cared for him, and they were all still around. Kunimi might have been mad at the moment, but he admitted his regrets to Oikawa later. The third year step forward and notices the blood still dripping off Kindaichi's arms. They needed to get the blood to stop flowing, the poor boy was weak as it is, and some of the cuts looked pretty deep.

As he took another step forward, Kindaichi whimpered and tried to back away, even though his back was already flat against the wall. Oikawa knew he had to get closer, and he hated what he was about to do, but it had to be done. He quickly made his way over to the boy and pulled him into his arms, wrapping his arms around the first year's arms and keeping him upright. Kindaichi reacted as he suspected, with panic and screams.

"Don't touch me!" Kindaichi yells, eyes wide like a cornered animal "Let go! Oikawa, please let go!" he screams and begs as tears fall harder and he hits his senpai's chest. Unfortunately, the skipped meals had done it's damage on his strength and his punches grew weak, and soon they ceased all together as the first year passes out in his upperclassmen's arms. Whether from exhaustion or the blood loss Oikawa didn't know.

Hanamaki quickly run and returns from the bathroom with some towels and a first aid kit. Iwaizumi takes the things from his strawberry haired friend and starts to put pressure on the cuts. He had taken first aid training and even knew how to apply stitches if needed, but luckily he didn't think they'd need them. The spiky haired teen's eyes widened a bit at all the old scars that littered his arms, but he kept his mind on the task at hand. Kindaichi whimpered at the discomfort and grabs onto the first thing his hands could find, which was Matsukawa's hand, and squeezed it slightly.

"Sh, it's okay Kindaichi. It'll go away" Oikawa comforts softly and runs his hand through his kouhai's slightly damp hair. He runs his hand down his upper arm and froze at the feeling. There was barely anything there but bone, and as he felt other places, his stomach sank. He glances up at Mattsun with slight horror in his eyes before his friend got the message. Matsukawa slowly lifts Kindaichi's shirt up and nearly throws up at the sight. Their kouhai's ribs stuck out and his skin was a sickly grey color, he could pass as a skeleton if he wanted to. Hanamaki's eyes widen as he grazes his hands over the first's years ribs, wincing at how much they truly stuck out.

Iwaizumi tried to keep his attention on Kindaichi's arms, but he couldn't shake the image of the younger's ribs out of his head. Oikawa holds Kindaichi tighter as the younger boy shivers on account there is absolutely no fat on his body to keep him warm anymore. They all shared the same guilt of not noticing sooner, having seen something was wrong near the beginning of the year, and still not doing anything.

Kindaichi slowly woke up an hour later, eyes glancing around his room before down to his arms. They had bandages on them so it wasn't a dream. His upperclassmen had found out, gosh he must look so fucking pathetic to them. They was a noise in the kitchen before a voice loudly scolds someone and there are footsteps coming down the hall. He felt so weak he couldn't even bring himself to pretend and sat there staring numbly at his arms as the door opens.

Matsukawa is relieved that the first year is awake as he walks into the room. He sits down on the bed and clears his throat a little "How are you feeling? And answer honestly please" he adds.

"I-I feel numb" Kindaichi's voice cracks "and cold" he adds the last part quietly.

The older smiles softly and opens his arms a little as an invitation that Kindaichi's quickly accepts. The younger clings to the older tightly before whispering apologies "I'm sorry you had to see me like this" he mumbles.

Mattsun sighs sadly "I'm not. I just feel terrible we didn't do anything sooner. You were hurting and we ignored it"

Kindaichi just lets out a shaky sigh and buries his face in his senpai's neck. The door opens again and the smell of fried rice fills his nose. The other three third years stand there, all with soft expressions, and one with a tray with four bowls. Oikawa sets the tray down and sits at the head of the bed, holding his arms open "Come on Kindaichi" he instructs and the first year obeys.

The setter sighs "You had us worried kouhai" he says softly "Luckily we were able to stop the bleeding without calling the hospital."

"Sorry" the first year whispers but is quickly cut off "Don't apologize anymore" Oikawa says firmly "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Kindaichi looks up with hesitation in his eyes "But...look at me. I'm so weak I can't even get myself out of this hole I put myself in. I've tried Oikawa, I swear I have, but i-it's just hard" he stutters. 

Hanamaki sits on the edge of the bed "We know it's hard, but this just makes you stronger than anyone else. Cause you tried and kept trying. It's okay that you need help, everyone needs help, but it's the strong ones who ask for help. So Kindaichi, do you want our help?" he asks gently.

"Yes, oh please I want help" Kindaichi's voice breaks as tears well up in his eyes again "I don't want to live like this anymore."

Iwaizumi smiles softly and hands out the bowls of ham and egg fried rice. Simple and an easy step forward hopefully. Kindaichi's stomach growled at the sight of food, but that voice in his head told him not to eat and he feels like throwing up before he's even eaten anything. Oikawa gently takes the younger's hand, snapping him out of his thought, and wraps it around the spoon "We'll take the first bite with you okay?"

Kindaichi's nods and slowly but surely lifts the spoon up to his mouth as the other four do the same. Like Oikawa said, they took the first bite together, and somehow it did feel a lot easier. The younger looks down at the rest of the rice, thinking about it for a little before going for another spoonful. The third years smile at the boy's decision, and continue to eat their own food.

As Kindaichi swallows his third bite, he realizes something he never thought would happen. Food tasted good again. He could taste the sesame oil in the eggs, the soy sauce coating the rice, the small chunks of savory ham. He could taste it all and it all tasted so good. He felt stray tears run down his nose as he let out a small, but real laugh. This caught the third years' attention as they turn to look at the youngest. Kindaichi wipes his eyes and smiles weakly at them "Thank you, for helping me, and for staying with me" he says.

Oikawa smiles fondly and gives the boy a gently hug "We're here to stay Kindaichi" he says truthfully.


End file.
